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SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Impeach The Motherf*cker

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BY WILLIAM C. HENRY Just when you thought the Feces in Chief and his Make America Gag Again minions couldn’t get any more mephitic:

1. The four-time draft dodging oval office outhouser has declared that henceforth he will play hind-endmost judge, jury and get-out-of-jail-free(er) in all things “war crimes related” … that have ALREADY been adjudicated by the armed services’ highest SMUScourts. Huh? Okay, I think I get it: it’s an inbred inclination of his to want to protect, preserve and defend all acts of deceit, immorality and/or cowardice.

2. Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s personal Ukraine quid pro quo purveying patsy publicly asserted that his oval orifice client isn’t about to throw him under the proverbial bus … and besides, belched His Dishonor, “I’ve got ‘insurance.” I’ll bet you do. Did I mention that Rudy has recently been outed as trying to shove some dirty Ukrainian dough–which, by the way, has been ZERO-EVIDENCED as being Democrat sought or accepted–into his own oven. And now that very same execrable errand boy has gone (been sent?) back to Ukraine to squat with members of Ukraine’s disgustingly corrupt pro-Russia previous regimes in order to gather fabricated evidence for a phony anti-Bidens film documentary. Hey, Rudolph, how did that nose of yours really get so red-ish brown?

3. Attorney General William P. Barr, Trump’s personal Roy Cohn, has just farted that he “disputes” his own Justice Department’s Inspector General’s clearly stated finding that the FBI had sufficient evidence to launch an investigation into the Trump Campaign’s connection to Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. Well, if Putin’s Oval Office lapdog could be treasonous enough to throw the FBI, the CIA, the NSA and EVERY OTHER national intelligence gathering organization under the bus, he must be absolutely euphoric over having one of his most faithful cabinet stooge’s shit stains orange-up those yellow hammers and sickles on his crimson ties a bit. The latest: Because the aforementioned finding so blatantly rebutted Trump’s phony narrative regarding the cause and intent of its investigation, he’s now lashing out at Director Wray saying that the Director will never be able to “fix” the FBI. Well, eff you, you friggin’ rodent. It’s nice to know that there’s at least one individual near the top of your rancid Justice Department not subject to the Trump “fix.” Incidentally, Barrbarrosa, you can take your, and I quote, “so-called progressives” are also “militant secularists,” pro-religion hate speech, split it in two, and shove it right up your and your boss’s bigoted asses.

4. When you’re Louie Gohmert, a Republican member of the House Judiciary Committee, and you’ve just listened to some of the finest, most dedicated, most intuitive Constitutional law experts in the country provide their informed opinions on whether the president of the United States committed impeachable acts, and you don’t possess the courage, the integrity, the self-respect–let alone the patriotism–to call out your stinking, traitorous, turd-brained, piece of garbage of a president for the putrid, sociopathic, pathologically lying, criminal, bucket of human waste that he actually is, what do you do? Why, of course, you disparage and demean the prestigious universities and law schools the professors attended as well as the highly esteemed institutions where they currently teach. Of course you do, you despicable slimeball, you scumbag, you sewer-dwelling, messenger-murdering, oval orifice suck-out!

5. But the greatest canker of all is how the Republican party continues to selectively purge its collective conscience of any and all things truly “American.” Principles like truth, morality, integrity, responsibility, decency, compassion and, yes, even patriotism, have been supplanted by such persuasions as: lawlessness and impunity at the highest levels of an administration; a willing, even welcoming, acceptance of such precepts as servility, gullibility, and kingship; as well as a seeming open enthusiasm to publicly fall prey to the heinous Hitler/Goebbels ploy of telling the colossal lie often enough so that no one would believe that someone “could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously.” Here are the FACTS, Mr., Mrs., & Ms. so-called Republican: 1) Trump is a pathologically lying sociopath. He has shamelessly LIED to the American people some 12,000+ times as of August of this year. He is a fucking liar, period. But that’s all right with you folks, isn’t it? 2) Trump is an immoral piece of sludge. If you need any evidence of that besides his fucking a porn star while his wife was recovering from the birth of his son Baron, maybe you need to get a little closer to your so-called Commandments. 3) He admires autocrats. Hell, he’s trying his damnedest to become one! He’s heaped praise on butchers and mega-thieves the likes of Putin, Kim, Erdogan and bin Salman while denigrating such democratic leaders as Macron, Merkel, Turnbull and May. And I haven’t even mentioned his public obscenities, his misogyny, or his stacking a TRILLION dollar$ in additional debt on the backs of your grandchildren and their children, or his poisoning of the air they’ll be breathing and the water they’ll be drinking. But you know all that and you still don’t give a shit. So why would you give a good goddamn about his draft dodging, his multiple bankruptcies, his Trump University scam, his food and clothing product branding scams, his thievery from his own “charitable” foundation, his secrecy regarding his taxes and his education, or his stiffing of banks and contractors? Geez, I wonder what Christ would think?

So, that’s all the good news for today, MAGA fans. Remember: It isn’t Republicanism. It isn’t partisanship. Hell, it isn’t even political. And, as sure as God made little grey elephants, it damn sure isn’t patriotism. What it is is good old fashioned human excrement. By the way, this just in: Final 2016 vote count: Hillary – 65,844,610; Donnie – 62,979,636. I just think the numbers bear repeating since you Fourth Reich folks seem to conveniently keep forgetting them.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage octogenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.

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