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SH*T MY UNCLE SAYS: Suffer The Children

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Picture the Fox News anchor belching out the following lead: “A phony, insincere Chelsea Clinton (or Michelle Obama — take your pick) has visited our southern border to make it appear that she supports keeping illegal immigrant families together while showing her TRUE feelings by brandishing a coat with the following message emblazoned on its back, ‘I Really Don’t Care, Do U?'” Yeah, okay, so maybe I’ve cleaned it up a little. What else could I do? It was a FOX NEWS lead after all! So, why’d she do it? Well, all I can tell you is that literally every single thread of that $39.00 Zara army-green creation has now been squeezed, twisted, pulled, cut up and scoped, to little or no avail. Best answer: similarities attract. She married him, bore him a child, and has continued to stand by her bigot for thirteen money-grubbing years. Gold digger meets trophy hunter? A match made in mediocrity? Can you spell S H R E W? Why in God’s name would anyone believe that Melania is some kind of saint? Her seeming soft spoken manner? Couldn’t fake that, could you? Her cute little accent? Couldn’t fudge that, could you? What’s so hard about believing that she’s just as phony, pretentious and purpose-driven pandering as her lying, immoral, sewer-bred husband? And meanwhile, through all of their hatred, bigotry and racism, this putrid, divisive administration and its rancid lackeys STILL don’t know for certain where they’ve stuffed some 1,800 innocent, scared children, leaving their mothers to wonder if they’ll ever see them again! Hey, all you Christian/evangelical Trumpeteers, what do you suppose Jesus would do?! How ’bout you, Melania, got any REAL humanity? – WILLIAM C. HENRY

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