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COMMENTARY: The Mayor Of Asshole City

Trump Freak 2

 

Theodore-RooseveltBY WILLIAM C. HENRY On the contrary, Donny Boy, it’s not the undocumented who “have to go,” it’s moronicsilver-spoonedmisogynisticuber-panderingracistmegalomaniacs such as yourself. And, coincidentally, given the fact that some 25% of the Republican “base” (the definitive term? you betcha) appear to be in lock-step with your imbecilicly simplistic — not to mention, ungodly immoral — solution to such an intractably complex problem as out-of-control illegal immigration, I’m wondering if you could have possibly, maybe inadvertently, misidentified the “who” it is that really “have to go”? Just speculating.

“I’ll deport them all. They have to go. Period.” Has a certain “ring” to it, doesn’t it, Don? Sorta like steeple bells, right? You know, aside from the obvious bigotry embedded in those words, what should really send chills up the reader’s spine is their complete and utter dumbness. These are words delivered by a man who believes himself in possession of sufficient character and intellect to be allowed to become the most powerful man on earth. Really? Beam me up, Scotty. Hell, ANY individual with even a molecule of grey matter can tell you that we HAVE TO do something about our illegal immigration problem. What takes real courage and at least a modicum of cranial content is to tell you the TRUTH about what can and, more importantly, CAN’T be done about it! Unfortunately, all you get with The Donald is nitwittedness, pandering and prevarication.

Let’s start with who is going to pay the unimaginable costs of removing some 11 to 12 million illegals — incidentally, your fairy tale estimate of some 30 million illegals has been universally poo pooed — from the contiguous 48? Are you going to personally cover those costs, Donny? Have you really got some $400 to $600 BILLION in loose change laying around? because I know damn well that the U.S. Treasury doesn’t! So precisely where the hell is it going to come from? Raising taxes on the rich? Just kidding.

And, just how do you plan to go about the roundup? At a bare minimum, I assume you’ll be employing our ENTIRE Armed Services, the FBI, the CIA, and the ATF guys along with every uniformed and plain-clothed law enforcement officer from every state, county and municipality in the country, and, oh yes, every right-wing informant you can muster too? You’ll pardon me for wondering who’ll be chasing all the REAL bad guys while all of this is going on? Maybe you’d planned to put everyone else on the “honor system”? Incidentally, do you plan to go banging on doors up and down every street and avenue, country road and byway, in every high-rise condo and apartment building, every row house and detached residence, or just everywhere you spot the presence of dark-haired, tan-shaded, folk?

Now that you’ve got them all corralled, where do you plan to store them prior to transport? Football and baseball stadiums? Probably not a great idea since even right-wingers enjoy their sports. Build a thousand or so new “super maxes”? Nah, that would really cost some bucks and take entirely too much time. Maybe just a few humongous concentration camps. Not particularly expensive and there are no doubt plenty of surviving blueprints you could utilize. Maybe expropriate an island? I’d suggest Puerto Rico, but you’d probably play hell distinguishing between the internees and the natives in the event of a breakout. Maybe Haiti. Better color contrast. Different language.

And, as mentioned, there’s the vexing “transport” problem. How do you plan to handle that? Stateside I reckon you could employ buses, tractor trailers and rail cars (the rail cars thing could prove tricky from a P.R. standpoint, however). I’d stay away from planes if I were you. Costly, and expropriation of commercial airliners would no doubt cause havoc with domestic transportation needs. Yeah, Haiti’s looking better all the time. Ocean liners could definitely be the answer. Once you got the illegals to the coast you’d be in clover! You could pack ‘em in like sardines! On the other hand, I suppose that “getting them TO the coast” part could easily negate all the later cost savings. Sure is perplexing. Thank goodness we’ll have a logistical genius like yourself in charge.

And nearly last but certainly not least, let us cogitate on your altogether ludicrous “wall” thing. I’ve said it before, and just for your edification, Don, I’ll say it again. If you’re going to build a wall across our southern border to keep illegals from entering, you 1) better have a shitload of money on hand to flush down America’s collective toilet, and 2) be able to prove to the American people that you’ve dismantled every seaworthy Central American watercraft in existence, and demolished every facility, large and small, capable of constructing one. Otherwise, you’re going to be left having to explain (and we all know how much you absolutely HATE having to EXPLAIN anything) why you failed to tell them about having to extend said rampart all the way to Key West and beyond as well as all the way up the Pacific coast to Canada in the first place. Oh, that’s right, I keep forgetting that you’re going to get Mexico to pay for it.

Okay, let’s wrap things up with the itty bitty matter of the damage such actions could do to our economy. Surely, Don, you’ve secretly formulated a plan to fill all the jobs that illegals currently perform with National Guardsmen, or perhaps you have a contingency plan in mind to raise the minimum wage to $15.00 or more in order to convince the “born and bred here” that they can actually earn a living/raise a family making beds, cleaning offices, picking vegetables, or plucking chickens. And, as a fallback move, I’ve no doubt whatsoever that you won’t hesitate to raise taxes on the wealthy (just a little levity) to make up for the BILLION$ in tax revenues that illegals currently contribute should your utterly laughable eviction proposals ever come to pass. Why am I reminded of Jim Carville’s now immortal phrase, “It’s the economy, stupid”?

So, Señor Trump, while you blather on with your bogus, nonsensical, pandering bullshit about deporting every last illegal Latino immigrant, here’s what you and every other phony, gutless, principle-devoid, high-end leadership wannabe SHOULD be raging about but lack the backbone, integrity and common decency to even mention. I swear, there’s no burrow deep enough for the lot of you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Fed up early stage septuagenarian who has actually been most of there and done most of that. Born and raised in the picturesque Pocono Mountains. Quite well educated. Very lucky to have been born into a well-schooled and somewhat prosperous family. Long divorced. One beautiful, brilliant daughter. Two far above average grandsons. Semi-retired (how does anyone manage to do it completely these days?) and fully-tired of bullshit. Uncle of the Editor-In-Chief.

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