BY DAVE ALLEN Like time, news waits for no man. Keeping up with the funny papers has always been an all-day job, even in the pre-Internets era. These days, however, it’s a two-man job. That’s right, these days you need someone to do your reading for you, or risk falling hopelessly behind and, as a result, increasing your chances of dying lonely and somewhat bitter. That’s why every week, PAPERBOY does your alt-weekly reading for you. We pore over those time-consuming cover stories and give you the takeaway, suss out the cover art, warn you off the ink-wasters and steer […]
YA GOTTA BELIEVE: Us Are The Champions
YES US CAN: The Fans, Citizen’s Park, 10:25 PM Last Night [Photo by TIFFANY YOON] BY JOE WARMINSKY During the Atlanta Braves’ ridiculously long run of division titles, it was said that a savvy baseball franchise doesn’t just want to “beat the Braves,” it wants to “be the Braves.” At face value, it meant, “do what it takes to win every year.” But it really was a call to operate with consistency and intelligence — play well in the short term, while never ignoring the long-term consequences of personnel decisions. Well, in Philly, the Eagles got there first, at least […]
AFTERMATH: William Penn Curse Exorcism
THERE’S A RIOT GOIN’ ON: Mayhem on Broad St., Last Night [Photos by TIFFANY YOON] KYW: The cost of police overtime for game five of the World Series (parts one and two) was approaching $800,000 as of Wednesday night. But despite the city’s cash crunch, Mayor Nutter says he is not concerned. Philadelphia police officials say the cost of overtime for officers on Monday night was about $478,000, and would be about $300,000 for the resumption of game five. It’ll be even higher should a parade be scheduled. Mayor Nutter says this can’t be avoided: “We’re always concerned about overtime, […]
WE WIN! WE WIN! WE WIN! WE WIN! WE WIN!
YES US CAN: Broad St., 11:42 by CASHION via Twitter Phils take World Series with 4-3 win over the Rays! UPDATE: On the ground reports indicate that the mooks have overtaken the CBS NEWS truck at Citizens Park…DEVELOPING QUEEN: We Will Rock You
HEAR YE: Pixies Surfer Rosa Remastered
Still playing on Phawker Radio! All Good Monkeys Go To Heaven BY JONATHAN VALANIA A word of warning: This is gonna be one of those columns where I go on and on about my little monkey shines with famous alt-rock personalities. Millions of people love it when I do that, but others seem to get very, very angry about it, stomp their feet and write mean letters that hurt my feelings. If that sounds like you, stop reading right now. I’m serious. I don’t want to even see you in the second paragraph.
SAY IT AIN’T SO, JOHN: McCain Spreading False Story That Obama Infomercial Will Delay Start Of The Game
MCCLATCHY: Throw the flag against: John McCain. Call: Unsportsmanlike conduct. What happened: “No one will delay the World Series game with an infomercial when I’m president,” the Republican presidential nominee told a crowd Tuesday in Hershey, Pa. Democratic rival Barack Obama bought the 8-8:30 p.m. slot on Fox and other major networks Wednesday night to air a campaign pitch. The first pitch of the World Series game, the resumption of rain-delayed Game 5, was set for approximately 8:37 p.m. EDT, about nine minutes later than usual. Why that’s wrong: It’s not unusual for World Series games to start after 8:30 […]
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Flipping Cars After Your Team Wins World Series Diminishes Us All
Flipping cars is hard work! And best left to the semi-pros, like our man Rick ‘Grizzly’ Brown. Let’s keep it in the realm of competitive he-man sports, OK? Also, please resist the urge to discharge your firearms into the air. Basic law of science: What goes up, must come down. Often into someone’s head. Thank you for your time. Go Phils!
NPR 4 THE DEF: Giving Public Radio Edge Since 2006
“By the end of the week, he’ll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in Kindergarten.” — Senator Barack Obama, North Carolina, Today FRESH AIR The McCain campaign’s charge that Barack Obama has socialist leanings has put the spotlight on a word relatively uncommon to modern American elections. Linguist Geoff Nunberg explains how the “S” word was used in the past — and why it’s come up now. ALSO, Saturday Night Live‘s Seth Meyers is making waves with a broader TV audience this election season as the show expands its political parodies to Thursday […]
RE-BROADCAST NEWS: Q&A With Barack Obobble
This first ran on Phawker back in the late 1960s. Curiously, it seems more relevant today.
KAREN HELLER: Being Vincent J. Fumo
KAREN HELLER: Time for another installment of Fumo Family Values, currently playing in the James A. Byrne Federal Courthouse. Christian Marrone endured his second day yesterday as a prosecution witness in the federal government’s case against Vincent J. Fumo, all 139 counts. Marrone was the state senator’s former special assistant, assigned to the regional office. By special assistant, Fumo meant general contractor, jack of all (building) trades, and e-mail whipping boy – all, argues the government, at the taxpayers’ expense. Marrone is also Fumo’s son-in-law, though to judge by court behavior, any rapport between them is in the past, too. […]
HOT DOCUMENT: London Calling
Subject: attention Jonathan Valania – The Guardian From: richard.adams@guardian.REDACTED Date: Mon, October 27, 2008 8:27 am To: feed@phawker.com —————————— Jonathan – your piece in the Inquirer yesterday was fantastic. We’d like to re-run it on the Guardian‘s op-ed site for the amusement of British people and others. regards, Richard Adams (I’m in the Guardian’s DC bureau) EDITOR’S NOTE: 34,000 54,000 page views, a re-print offer from the GuardianUK, an encouraging word from Josh The Bricklayer (SEE BELOW), more incoherent hate mail than Charlie Manson gets in a year, one death threat, notice that I am officially […]
Christian Science Monitor Will Kill No More Trees
NEW YORK TIMES: After a century of continuous publication, The Christian Science Monitor will abandon its weekday print edition and appear online only, its publisher announced Tuesday. The cost-cutting measure makes The Monitor the first national newspaper to essentially give up on print. The paper is currently published Monday through Friday, and will move to online only in April, although it will also introduce a Sunday magazine. John Yemma, The Monitor’s editor, said that moving to the Web only will mean it can keep its eight foreign bureaus open while still lowering costs. “We have the luxury — the opportunity […]
WORLD SERIES: White Out Tonight
SNOW GO: Parking lot of Chalfont Office Park, a few minutes ago. [Photo by NATHAN SLACK] UPDATE: Tonight’s game cancelled due to weather, re-scheduled for tomorrow night at Citizen’s Bank, 8:37 PM ASSOCIATED PRESS: Winter made an early debut in northeastern Pennsylvania on Tuesday as a storm blanketed parts of the region with several inches of snow, closing schools and causing power outages and road closures. PPL Corp. said more than 25,000 customers lost power. Higher elevations of the Poconos received up to 8 inches of wet snow by Tuesday morning, causing downed trees and power lines, the National Weather […]