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EDITORIAL: Why Whitey Can’t Vote

MEcropped2.jpgBY JONATHAN VALANIA FOR THE INQUIRER As a lifelong Caucasian, I am beginning to think the time has finally come to take the right to vote away from white people, at least until we come to our senses. Seriously, I just don’t think we can be trusted to exercise it responsibly anymore.

I give you Exhibit A: The last eight years.

In 2000, Bush-Cheney stole the election, got us attacked, and then got us into two no-exit wars. Four years later, white people reelected them. Is not the repetition of the same behavior over and over again with the expectation of a different outcome the very definition of insanity? (It is, I looked it up.)

Exhibit B is any given Sarah Palin rally.

Exhibit C would be Ed Rendell and John Murtha, who in separate moments of on-the-record candor they would come to votebabe_1.jpgregret, pointing out that there are plenty of people in Pennsylvania who just cannot bring themselves to pull the lever for a black man – no matter what they tell pollsters.

These people are ruining things for the rest of us white people who are ready to move on. Sure, they have their reasons, chimerical though they may be: He’s a Muslim. He’s a terrorist. He’s a Muslim terrorist. He’s going to fire all the white people and give their jobs to blacks.

But those are just the little white lies these people allow themselves to be told, a self-induced cognitive dissonance that lets them avoid saying the unsayable: I cannot pull the lever for a black man.

Hey, some people just aren’t ready yet, even the governor said so. Just like some people aren’t ready yet for computers or setting the clock on the VCR.

Or, to hear Murtha tell it, some people – specifically some people in Western Pennsylvania – will never be ready. But the fact is, if you did a statewide head count of racists, you’d find just as many in eastern Pennsylvania as you would in the western part of the state.

That’s why this ban on white people voting I’m proposing has got to be statewide. And I’m sorry to say, it’s going to have to include all white people, even those who would vote for Obama, because you can’t just let some white people vote. That would be unfair.

voter.gifBy this point, you either think I am joking or are calling me an elitist. I assure you I am neither. OK, maybe a little of both. But it wasn’t always like this. I come from the Coal Belt, from that Alabamian hinterland between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, as per James Carville’s famous formulation.

I am, in fact, just two generations out of the coal mines that blackened the lungs of my grandfather, leaving him disabled, despondent and, finally, dead at the ripe old age of 54.

So, understand that I am saying all this for the good of the country and, in fact, for the good of those hard-working white people that Hillary used to pander to.

I know those people, I come from them. They are not some shameful abstract demographic to be brushed under the rug of euphemism by Wolf Blitzer and his ilk.

I have broken kielbasa with those people. I went to school with their children. I have gone to Sunday Mass with a deer-hunter hangover with those people. They are bitter with good reason, and they are armed because they are scared. They mean well, but they are easily spooked.

I fear for what is to become of them after the campaigns leave town for the last time, and Scranton and Allentown and Carlisle go back to being the long dark chicken dance of the national soul they were before the media showed up.

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19 Responses to “EDITORIAL: Why Whitey Can’t Vote”

  1. Ello, love. Says:

    Meanwhile, 95% of the black people are voting for Obama because he’s black.

  2. Marc Says:

    Be an example and don’t vote.

  3. MrRezister Says:

    Since Mr. Valania wants to keep racists away from the polls, maybe he should be trying to ban blacks from voting, since they are polling over 90% for Obama. In other words, there are a LOT more of those stupid white folk who will be voting for Obama, than there will be black voters who vote against him. Where is the racism, again?

  4. CJ Says:

    “I fear for what is to become of them after the campaigns leave town for the last time, and Scranton and Allentown and Carlisle…”

    Carlisle? Scranton, Allentown and…Carlisle?? Yeah, bunch of frightened ex-steelworkers in Carlisle. Heh.

    The fact that an influential media outlet staffed mainly by white liberals let another white liberal write a piece appealing to the emotions of yet other white liberals (this is tiring) tells us all we need to know about this politically correct election, with its cherished, politically correct, pre-written storyline torn straight from the headlines…of 1971.

    I know, if someone calls you on it, It Was A Joke. But readers can’t dismiss it, because it has A Serious Message too. Which part was a joke and which part serious? Depends on which parts hold up to scrutiny.

    You’re assignment now is to look at the Gallup Poll and racial attitudes. You’ll learn something about black voters and white voters residing in the real world.
    http://www.gallup.com/poll/111049/Obamas-Race-May-Much-Plus-Minus.aspx

  5. Jim in Cleveland Says:

    You dumb ass. YOU are the one who should not be allowed to vote.

  6. notyou Says:

    republicans over at hannity.com think your editorial was serious……

    http://forums.hannity.com/showthread.php?t=1050131

  7. Politic Me » White people should not vote? Says:

    […] found this blog post today from Phawker.Com’s editor in chief, Jonathan Valania.  While I view his […]

  8. Marie Says:

    This is the rant of an actual madman! I can not believe this, he’s really been going heavy on the kool-aid. The most intelligent things I read here were the comments on this stupid trash. The most important and relevant comment being about how the blacks are voting for Obama’s skin color only, and anyone who does not believe this is probably hanging out with Jonathan Valania and drinking….heavily

  9. DL Biller Says:

    Mr. Valania I would be interested in your observation once you removed your head from your backside!!

  10. Mahalia Says:

    I think ur opinion is interesting but I dont condone racism or ignorance on any level. Honestly though I cant help but say u are absolutely right about ur analogy on “who” put the Bush admin into power and then re-elected that same administration on the basis of history and fear.

    In this country people seem 2 have a hard time saying hey i fucked up and my vote was the reason why we are in this mess [partially] and I was 2 blind sided by history past that told me no president has ever been bumped on a second term when we have been at war. I was 2 “scared” 2 think outside the box…cuz hey it safer this way–That fear has consumed us the last 8 years, put us into economic termoil and cost many lives and jobs. How much more will it take 2 make people understand that we can NOT continue down this way?

    The fact that we will beat a dayum horse 2 death and stand there scratching our ass wondering why the thing isnt getting up speaks high volumes in the results of the last 4 years. People in this country need 2 start thinking on a higher intellect and start embracing a positive change. They say we as humans only use 10% of our brain–I seriously doubt this due 2 the life we are all living or have been living the last 8 years—Come on folks…u can go ahead and use that other 7% now

  11. Food for thought. Says:

    First, the attacks on September 11th were planned while Bill Clinton was in the Oval office. Sorry but George Bush didn’t cause this one. Perhaps we can blame W for harboring a bunch of scared “Yes-G-Men” however.

    Secondly, I blame the Democrats for losing the 2004 election. Kerry? Please. My grandmother could have beaten Bush. The real issue here is that we United States citizens only have TWO choices of candidate. (And in 2004 neither candidate was worthwhile.) Sure, the Libertarians and the Green Party among many others run candidates but they are not given any press AND the American people don’t demand more information on them. So, if there is an issue with Americans, (of any color) then it is that we are a bunch of lemmings — we sit on our comfy couches and let two very wealthy parties stomp over any other candidate who disagrees with both the Republicans and the Democrats. If Americans had a choice of only two fast food restaurants there would be rioting in the street.

    Third, of course the 2000 election was stolen. All elections are stolen. Right now there are ACORN members registering goldfish to vote. Becoming President has nothing to do with fulfilling one’s civic duty. Its about POWER and MONEY. There is just too much at stake for the candidate, his/her party, and their cronies to lose. Therefore, ANY candidate is going to try to gain an edge by any means whether he or she is black, white, yellow, red, or whatever color. Sounds pessimistic but its true. For years I’ve been calling for Jimmy Carter to come in with an international outfit to monitor our elections. Granted, I’ve only been making the call while complaining to friends but nonetheless.

    Fourth, Sara Palin. I’ve got to give you that one. To all republicans: DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THERE IS NOT ONE WOMAN IN YOUR PARTY THAT IS MORE QUALIFIED THAN SARA PALIN? REALLY? I MEAN….REALLY? SARA PALIN???? YOU CAN’T FIND ONE WOMAN WITH MORE EXPERIENCE THAN PALIN???? What did you people do to Christine Todd Whitman????? W destroyed her at the EPA is what happened to her you dumb-asses. How about Elizabeth Dole? Part of me thinks she is too smart to run for President. Good Lord in heaven Republicans. Get your acts together and begin to recognize the talent of the women who serve in your party. Which brings me to my last point:

    John, if I may call you John, your article is very provocative but if I were to follow your line of thought then it is not white people who should not be allowed to vote but…..wait for it….wait for it……Men.

    The horrible terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001: Perpetrated by all men.
    The horrendous expensive war in Iraq: Started by men.
    Ed Rendell and John Murtha: Yes, both men. (Props to Ed for being a fantastic mayor, however.)

    If we look at the facts this way, then perhaps all men should lose their voting rights leaving only the women to determine the direction of this country. Just a little food for thought.

    Oh, and a little bit about me: My ancestors were poor immigrant farmers who escaped the fascists in Italy who were killing them for owning one acre of olive trees. My father was the first man in his family to get an education past the eighth grade. He completed college. Not a big deal now but it was back in the ’50’s. So understand that I, too, am writing for the good of this country. I just don’t think my Dad would appreciate not being allowed to vote.

  12. White woman can vote Says:

    Just when I think the left can’t go any further, someone like you comes out with something so ridiculous, so crazy, so beyond what the normal rational mind can fathom that all I can say is… you are a true NUT!!!!!!

  13. DOc Dodge Says:

    That is such a load of shit, you racist little tick-turd.
    I’ll just be glad when this crap is over.
    I thank GOD I live in OK where even the mopeds have gun racks and the first day of rifle season is a school holiday.
    Death to Bambi!

  14. Jacob Morales Says:

    You are completely vile for posting this filth. One of the reasons our country is so messed up is we continue to allow the animocity between black and white people to go undiscussed. There are countless hundreds of thousands of black people who are voting for Obama because he is black. They are abusing their legal right to throw the worst excuse for a politician into office. If you have any honor, any integrity, any character you will delete this garbage.

    Everyone go read the truth about Barack Obama http://absolutemoraltruth.wordpress.com/2008/10/27/barack-obama-is-not-a-christian-and-yes-it-matters/

  15. easy Says:

    perhaps all white men should be forbidden from forming ‘psychedelic’ bands and / or wearing all-black attire in penance for some of their past wrongdoings within said arenas?

  16. steveeboy Says:

    my favorite part of all this was hearing the asshole brit hume read the op-ed last night on FUX News.

    He couldn’t bring himself to pronounce phawker as “fokker” so he said “pa-hawker”

    Of course, the dumb-ass didn’t get the joke and he read it straight in order to alarm the kooks and whack-job right wingers in the audience!

    I love the role Philly is playing in this election, first the “sarah palin is a cunt” shirts are made here and now this op-ed is getting all kinds of right-wing angst too!!!

    NICE JOB!

  17. Steve Says:

    Mr Valania, I hope I have missed the humor in your post. It wasn’t that funny to me though. If you were sincere then you need professional help to resolve your issues with delusional projection. It is painfully obvious to those of us who do not suffer from repressed bigotry and white guilt that you are sick. Since you need the help let me point out your problem – you are taking your repressed emotions and projecting them on to innocent people who disagree with your political opinions. You see all this racism in other good white people because you cannot accept the fact that you will vote for the big BO simply because you feel that you would be racist for not doing it. It kind of turns into a self stimulating action that helps you cope with your deep down guilt. You are obviously telling yourself, “See, I’m, not a bigot, I just voted for a black man! Whew, I feel a whole lot better about me!” Stop projecting your own faults onto the rest of us white folks.

    And as far as insanity goes, what could be more insane than voting for the same party that promises so much yet has delivered nothing for over 40 years. For 40 years the D party has been preaching how much the R party is the party of the white man and will keep black folks under their thumbs! What a crock, again delusional projection. The D party has done nothing for black Americans for 40 years! The only policies that the D party can seem to produce are designed to comfort the feelings of white guilt so prevalent in that party. Bleeding heart policies never helped anyone in the long term, and the D party has 40 years of experience in failing in their attempts to force it to work.

    PLEASE get some help and recommend to the rest of your D/lib friends to do the same, your not helping this nation by continuing in denial.

    QED

  18. Common Sense Political Thought » Archives » Self-loathing on the left Says:

    […] the article is copyrighted, so I can only quote the very briefest portion of it. However, Mr Valania also published it on his own site, so I feel a bit more at liberty to quote from that — even though the article is the […]

  19. Dana Says:

    You article has been critiqued here.

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