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NEWS CLUES: It’s Like Adderall For Your Eyeballs

It’s Official: O.J. Simpson Is Completely Fucked
ojham.jpgAn audio recording of the alleged robbery released by TMZ.com identifies an agitated Simpson uttering obscenities to an unknown person. “You think you can steal my (expletive) and sell it?” says the voice identified as Simpson. The district attorney said he expected Simpson to ultimately be charged with seven felonies and one gross misdemeanor. If convicted of the booking charges, Simpson would face up to 30 years in state prison on each robbery count alone. Simpson owes the Goldman and Brown families $33 million for the deaths of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Ron Goldman in 1994. Now there is a question that some of the memorabilia that Simpson was trying to get back may actually belong to them and Simpson was hiding it from them. [CLICK TO HEAR AUDIO]

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South Philly Girl Steals Old Ladies’ IDs, Rings Up $10,000 In Gucci & Prada
prada.jpgAmong the goods on display Monday at police headquarters was a deep-plum Gucci cocktail dress with the $1,595 price tag still in place. There were a soft, black patent-leather overcoat and a $1,400 Prada handbag. Some of the shoes alone carried price tags exceeding $800, including a diverse selection of four-inch spikes like the gold, strappy Jimmy Choo heels and the Italian-made Manolo Blahniks in red patent leather. With the exhibition – timed to announce the arrest of a woman who worked in administration at a health-care agency and is charged with stealing information from four elderly women – police warned of just how easily an identity can be stolen and used for unscrupulous purposes. [via The INQUIRER]

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Florida Student Tasered After Asking Kerry If He Is A Member Of Skull & Bones
taserstudent.pngAN AMERICAN university student was held down and shot with a Taser stun gun by police in the middle of a question-and-answer session with former presidential candidate Democrat John Kerry.Footage of yesterday’s incident at the University of Florida has appeared on Youtube and has already attracted more than 66,000 views. In the clips, a young man asks Senator Kerry why he didn’t dispute the results of the 2004 election, while four uniformed officers stand behind him. After he asked Senator Kerry if was a member of the same secret society as US President George W. Bush, who won the election, the officers tried to remove him. He was then dragged towards the back of the lecture hall before being held to the ground and hit with the Taser. According to the Associated Press, 21-year-old Andrew Meyer was charged with resisting police and disturbing the peace. [via AUSTRALIAN HERALD SUN]

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Curiously, out of the 132 mentions listed on Google News, no U.S.-based report mentions Skull & Bones. Before the Internet, you would have to live in Australia to learn that when the student asked whether John Kerry was a member of Skull & Bones his mic was cut off and he was arrested. See for yourself. [UPDATE: Later versions of the AP story and a story in the Miami Herald, both of which ran after this was posted, do in fact mention Skull & Bones. Although one can only wonder if that would have happened in the pre-YouTube era, when the eyes of 400,000 fact-checkers weren’t watching.]
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3 Responses to “NEWS CLUES: It’s Like Adderall For Your Eyeballs”

  1. Dan Buskirk Says:

    Does anyone commenting on this report open themselves up to a Tasering as well?

    -db

  2. Prof. Armitage Says:

    That’s pretty fucked up! Still, he didnt have to act like such a baby about the whole thing…

    What do you think, is this video going to result in this guy having more net total sex in his lifetime or less? Cause that’s what’s really important here…

  3. Jolo Says:

    Um, before y’all get your conspiracy theory panties in a bunch, the AP report on Google News actually does mention it pretty high up in the story.
    PS. Conspiracy theory panties are pink, with ruffled edges. In case anyone was wondering.

    [For the record, when the story first broke, there was no mention in the AP story. Subsequent versions do apparently carry a mention of Skull & Bones, as does the Miami Herald story — none of which were available on line when the story went up on Phawker in the wee hours. Also, I prefer the Conspiracy Thong For Men. Doesn’t ‘bunch up’ every time the Trilateral Commission meets. Plus, no VPLs, yo. — The Ed.]

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