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GAYBO: Ramon Writes From Rehab; Dumpsters Still Playin; Sex Dwarf Turns 4, But Not Getting Any Taller

gaybo.thumbnail.JPGBY TOMMY ZANE GAYDAR EDITOR Okay, fine, I admit it-I haven’t mentioned my former partner and lover Ramon much this summer, and there’s a good reason why. Ever since he cheated on me in a drunken stupor last April, I haven’t forgiven him. My running off to Helsinki in May to cover the Eurovision Song Contest did complicate reconciliation, although it was certainly a great thrill and release to make that trip (especially the local distractions!!). Ramon and I hooked up after gay pride in June and agreed we could be friends with benefits. Shortly thereafter, he stopped returning my calls and basically fell off the radar completely. So, when I received this letter last Wednesday, I was a bit taken aback.

Tommy,
After 3 weeks, I finally checked my messages. Sorry for worrying you-AGAIN! I’ve been in a “treatmentramon.thumbnail.jpg center.” That’s rich-people talk for rehab. About time, right? I’m learning lots about my disease of addiction, how to pray, the dangers of my anger, and that I can’t do this alone. It’ll be a long time before you can trust or forgive me. First, I must learn to trust and forgive myself and trust in my Higher Power (that’s twelve-step talk for “God as I understand him”). Lots of work to do.

Thank you for your prayers and support. I’ll be in touch.

your favorite maricon,

Ramon

For months, I avoided confronting Ramon’s addictions. Suddenly, something inside me clicked. I allowed myself a big, blubbering cry for the first time in years. Although my relationship with Ramon is hardly perfect, I feel I finally have a sense of truth and with that comes some peace. Knowing he’s getting treatment and learning to care for himself allows me to focus attention on my self. I popped a melatonin and slept hard that night, confident that a new day had dawned and with clarity, things were gonna get a lot better. After all, there’s still two months of summer left, right? Who better to commiserate with than 2007’s cathartic drama queen Amy Winehouse?

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Just released UK single, “Tears Dry On Their Own”.

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paris_or_bust1.jpgYep, The Dumpsta Players are at it again as ghetto avenger Chardonna Jenkins confronts former jail mate and celebutante Paris Hilton. Paris disses Chardonna, and the drama begins. Throw in a drunken Lindsay Blowhand, a crazed media circus, and American Idol contestants, and you’ve got entertainment! Bob and Barbara’s, 1509 South, Wed. 8/15,11p show time.

DJ Robert Drake celebrates 4 years of non-stop new wave as his monthly party Sex Dwarf turns four. Don’t miss the special performance by Dumpsta Player the Divine Ms. Jimmi as John Waters’ fav actress and filthiest person alive, 80’s drag sensation, Divine. Fluid, Fri., 8/17, 10p doors.

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Swedish songstress Robyn tops the U.K. chart with her melancholy, electronic pop.

THREESOME OF THE WEEK

Recently deceased talk show sensation and multi-millionaire old skool queen Merv Griffin, edging ever closer to The Big Five O birthday girl Madonna who turns 49, and recently outed deceased former PLO leader, Yasser Arafat.

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BONUS: Merv Griffin interviews Prince protégé, Vanity! So very 1985!

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ABOUT THIS COLUMN: Are you gay and read Phawker? Or just thinking about it? Becoming gay that is. Because, you know, you ‘heard good things.’ Are you straight but curious how the other team plays? Congressman, we have heard your call and answered your prayers. Our Gaydar Editor Tommy Zane is gay all day and queer for a year, and like all gays he is wickedly funny, stylish, tidy and knows from window treatments. He could also probably kick your ass into next week. But don’t worry, Tommy’s a lover not a fighter. He may be going to hell, but then most of our straight friends are, too. Every week look for GAYBO. We’ll have a gay old time!

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