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DEATH OF A SALESPERSON: 10 Things I Won’t Miss About Tower Customers

By SARA SHERR:

1.Mouth-breathers who hug the cart of refiles that I’m trying to put away. This is the same crap that’s beentower-leaning.jpg sitting in the racks for the last two months. If I put a bunch of Keak the Sneak CD’s on a cart, does that make them suddenly more attractive and awesomely collectable?

2.People who ask stupid questions in order to make a conversation with me. Yes, we’re going out of business. Nope, there’s nothing left. Yep, that pesky downloading.

3.People who can’t read. I understand the Philadelphia public school system is in a shambles and it’s hard to learn how to read when someone is pointing a gun at your head. But for the love of God, don’t ask me where M is.

4.People who shout “scuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me miss” from across the store. You should never shout like that unless you, me, or the store is on fire.

5.Me or the cellphone. Pick one. Unless you’re a doctor with a dying patient on the other end, there is no reason for you to interrupt our conversation just to tell your buddy that you’re at Tower Records, and guess what, they’re going out of business.

6.Turn off the pager. It’s bad enough that I hear one side of your stupid conversation, now I hear both sides in every scintillating detail. BLEEP! “Where you at?” BLEEP! “Mwah, mwah!” BLEEP! “I’m at Tower Records, where you at?!”

7.A going-out-of-business sale works like this. You look around. Maybe we have what you want, maybe we don’t. If you’re asking me for more than three titles, you’re a douche and you need to read. Besides, there are like, eight rows left in the whole store!

8.We’re closing in three days and we’ve been going out of business for two months. Do you really think we’re gonna have the new Jay-Z? Please stop staring at me like that.

9.Please stop staring at me. None of this should be slightly revelatory.

10.If you live in the city and didn’t know we were going out of business, don’t ask me why. The shit was even on Action News. Please go home and Google it. Do you know how many times I’ve told the liquidator story since October?

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7 Responses to “DEATH OF A SALESPERSON: 10 Things I Won’t Miss About Tower Customers”

  1. snyder Says:

    Well, I’m just happy to have my life back — got a lot of comic cataloging still to do — after a month of a life revolving around this death march. Sure, they cut me off at the knees when they closed two days early and totally confused my biological clock which had prepared for the withdrawl symptoms to start not so quickly. And what did I get from all of it: 400-some CD “singles” and about 50 or 70 full lengths, for a sum of around four Franklins. Those Brits better come across with the long green ths next Thanksgiving. Anyway, I’ll at least have some new tunes to mix in in aught-seven as I fall deeper into the monastic life.

  2. kirby Says:

    oh, man. This is a classic Sara Sherr rant! I’m a love this one up for futuretimes.

  3. kristen a. Says:

    man, sara. it’s been a while but i can totally feel your pain and what you must have been going through. i cannot even believe i won’t be able to walk into tower whenever i get back to philly. good luck with your next endeavor, my friend.

  4. Dbase Grrrl Says:

    “Do you really think we’re gonna have the new Jay-Z? Please stop staring at me like that.”

    HAH! Even if UNI accidentally shipped it to the store, chances are it couldn’t be recieved or even looked up unless it made it in under the wire, since nothing’s been entered in Database since October 11th.
    …So you can tell the customers that you have boxes & boxes of it, but can’t put them out because they couldn’t be recieved & you’re just waiting for the RA. Might be good for some entertainment.

  5. The Colonel Says:

    As someone who once worked in record retail, I have finally found a reason to smile about the closing of Tower Records. If this is what it took to get Sara Sherr out of retail, then it’s all good.

  6. Raised By Bees » Death of a Salesperson, Number 2 and 3 Says:

    […] Here, here, and here. […]

  7. Count Baqula Says:

    Items that you replace to the cart are of extreme worth and supreme awesomeness. You’re putting stuff back on the cart other people didn’t want. That can only mean people chose not to buy those CDs because they were too awesome for them to handle, and a savy shopper will be able to see the immediate quality of otherwise rejected merchandise.

    Even if they find something on the cart they want they complain that it should be a deeper discount.
    “Oh it’s only 75% off I’ll wait until it’s 80%.

    Becase paying $0.25 on the dollar is a crime.

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