DEAR PHAWKER,

“As the head big-shot in charge of asking for cash at XPN, thank you so much!”

–DEB ASHMORE, WXPN

No worries, just doin’ our job, stickin’ it to The Man –Ed.

HEY PHAWKER,

So, did you like, make [Sweeney] bleed from his anus when you left? This shit is like one of those psychotic ex-girlfriends who spray-paints your car and tells all your friends you have a micropenis.

Whatta l’il bitchface.

UNSIGNED IN SOUTH PHILLY

Sure feels like it. Tho, let the record show that we never had sex, as neither of us is gay like that. –Ed.

Philebrity: I Make My Living Being An Asshole, The Pay Kinda Stinks But, Oh, The Scores I Get To Settle!

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