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Blowback: CP ‘Prophets Of Rage’ Say Hooray For Doree! Hip-Hip Hooray! And Phuck Phawker!

First it was the Metro, and now this gauntlet-throwdown from the City Paper’s painful example of why taking a badly under-resourced and, as a result, aggressively mediocre alt-weekly on-line only makes for a droopy-dog blog, a.k.a. The Clog. Really now, ‘Prophets of Rage’? Good grief. How high was Hickey when he thought that was funny or clever? Loathe though we are to share some of our precociously large and scandal-driven foot traffic with a cyber-doorstop like the Clog, this sucker-punch-wrapped-in-a-rimjob is just too nakedly jealous and syntactically-challenged to ignore:

Rave for Doree

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006 at 11:48 am
posted by a.d.amorosi
We might not think much of Phawker from Philly Weekly guy Jon Valania.clog.gif

We don’t hate it. We just uhhhh…

No wonder Valania’s whipmaster looks like he’s ready to run. That photo just looks creepy in so many ways, jooknow.

(We LOVE the Media Matters For America thing, though! And the wrestling flikcrs)

But Gawker – the NYC snarksite that Phawker and Philebrity should probably still worry about lawsuits from? We love. Adore it daily. Always have. And now it’s got a little previously-at-PW stuff in it as PWs former A&E editor Doree Shafrir, is now associate editing at Gawker.com

doree.jpg
Oh Doree

Check that shit here.

After Jim Knipfel and before Tommy Up and Neil Ferguson, Shafir offered me one of the few reasons to regularly likee PW as Shafir’s writing was consistently sharp; consistently Shafir City. She’s done stuff for The New York Observer as well as co-creating a literary mag up in the boroughs, The Crier.

Brava.

This, of course, means war. First, let us second the emotion and say, um, HOORAY FOR DOROTHY, too. Ding-dong the witch is dead. But enough about Dorothy and Toto, the Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkeys, except to say that you, Sir, have terrible taste in PW writers. And for god sakes man, it’s great that she got that gig an’ all but you don’t have to perform analingus. Then again, why stop now, right?

Let us respond to your persnickety disses one by one:

1. Creepy Jethro Tull-Aqualung lp-look-alike letch-iness:

Like most of the shit that comes out of your pen, we have no earthly idea what in-the-fuck you’re talking about. Frankly, we’re beginning to wonder if you even do.

2. Its out-the-box steals from his ex-boss (calling Amorosi “the Count” was a two decade-old joke when his former employer used it, and used it, and used it.):

Sorry, we just think that’s funny. What, you never repeated a joke? Besides, if the foo shits, wear it. Oh,amorosi.gif and for the record, you can’t really be “shitcanned” from something you volunteered for, and did gratis five days a week for four to six months, not for money but for love. Kinda like your writing career, huh Anj?

3. Its Hot Document “leaks” — the impending strike troubles at PNI/DN/PI – that everybody , and not just media-insiders – knew about days previous:

Sure everybody “knew.” Sweeney crowed the same thing to us after we scooped his ass. But all you twinks had was hearsay, Angelo, which you can’t print, while Phawker had HARD COPY PROOF, which you can. And so we did. It’s called journalism, look into it, son.

4. Its run of elder guy quotes: We Know It’s Only Rock N’ Roll But We Like It:

Again we would refer you to our response to number one, except to say that pot-calling-kettle-a-negro is beneath you, Angleo. You’re older than dirt. Stop kidding yourself that people think otherwise. Or better yet, stop worrying about it so much. It makes you look a little sad. We’re older than dirt — and you’re older than us so by definition you are older than dirt. But you know what, Angelo, it’s OK. In fact, it’s only right and natural. Finally, as for that photo, everything — even that body language you find so “creepy” — was entirely scripted. (Also, you should know there is no Santa Claus and pro wrestling is fixed. The Easter Bunny, however, is totally for real.) We wanted to do the shit-eating grin hug shot. Sweeney wanted to do a shot in the men’s room like we just bumped into each other at the urinal, with both of us looking away, as if to say, ‘Well, this is uncomfortable.’ So we compromised, for once. Lastly, we were both fairly wasted. So let it go already, fer chrissakes. The Sweeney Vs. Valania feud was the game the cool kids on the playground were playing weeks ago. That game is now over. And once again, Angelo, you’re too little and too late. Hugs.

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5 Responses to “Blowback: CP ‘Prophets Of Rage’ Say Hooray For Doree! Hip-Hip Hooray! And Phuck Phawker!”

  1. brian howard Says:

    When it comes to getting you facts straight about the Clog: Get your shit correct. Prophets of rage was all me, man. Now i’m gonna put a power move on ya.

  2. Hickey Says:

    I think the better question would be, how high was Valania when he thought “posted by a.d. amorosi” meant Hickey had any input, whether he thought it was funny or clever?

  3. Droogie Don't Crash Here Says:

    Count? From here on out you should just refer to old Angie-Baby as the heir to the hoagie roll fortune!

  4. Phawker » Blog Archive » Cover Wars: Whose Artfag Kung-Fu Is Stronger? Says:

    […] Alright, we’re finally catching up with the the alt-weeklies’ breathless pace of publication and we’re actually doing this in almost ‘real time.’ Despite that bit of unpleasantness with the City Paper earlier this week, and our tenuous grasp on gainful employement with PW, we vow to remain objective. And this week, it’s a toss-up: Both papers have fairly killer covers, so hats off to all involved. PW rocks the Yankee Hotel vertigo shot for Steve Volk’s I-spent-a-night-there-last-week story on the creepy ol’ Parker. CP goes with a gorgeously retro cartoon recreation of that classic image of car show babia majora showing off the latest in short penis overcompensation to illustrate Ashley “Paper Doll” Halperin’s piss-take on the business of dying. Cigars all around because… The Winner Is: A toss-up. See, at Phawker everybody is a winner! […]

  5. Phawker » Blog Archive » Cover Wars: Whose Artfag Kung-Fu Is Stronger? Says:

    […] Jeebus it seems like every week we’re having some kind of pissing contest with one of the city’s esteemed alt-weeklies. First it was the City Paper and this week it was a brand new hot mess from PW. Fear not dear reader, we vow not to back down from these piss-crossed sword fights until the other guy runs outta ammo. We drink water ALL DAY LONG. We could go for days, if need be. We also vow to compartamentalize said piss-matches and remain objective because we are THE DECIDER in this Cover Wars thing we started and it’s one of the few things in this life we take seriously, because after all, with great power comes great responsibility. Let’s see, this week PW is rockin’ the EXIT THE PACHYDERM cover, a visual play on the election results while riffing locally on the Philadelphia’s Zoo’s plan to let their elephants run free in the streets of Northern Liberties because, hey, they need more room. We get it. CP, on the other hand, goes with a clever neglected-kid-in-mom’s-rearview-mirrror while the road to child-free happiness stretches out ahead to eternity. Kudos all around for incorporating a LOT of exposition in these visual cues and both covers do pop, however, if we can just reach behind…hang on, this takes a minute sometimes…and pat ourselves on the back, because… THE WINNER IS: US! HOORAY FOR US! […]

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