ELIZABETH FIEND REPORTS: There was a war, you see, in a hot and far away place that had a strange religion called I-s-l-a-m and a lot of our boys were getting killed, and maimed, and messed up in the head and the war dragged on a lot longer then we expected until nobody could really remember why we were over there in the first place. Then a farmer shot his whole family, shot ?’em dead in their sleep with his army issued rifle and the powers that be just denied, denied, denied what you know and I know and even Michael Dukakis knows: A FISH ROTS FROM THE HEAD DOWN.

And so goes the story of absinthe, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, known as Old Europe. That war was the one where the French colonized Algeria. The one where soldiers were issued absinthe as a fever prevention. The mess at home was a plague, grape phylloxera, which destroyed two-thirds of the vineyards on the continent of Europe. The rich bought all the wine, ALL of it, screw the middle class they said, and so there? was no wine left for the working class. A call goes out: Support The Troops, Drink Absinthe! Soon enough, the Great Unwashed took whole heartedly to drinking this intoxicating, green beverage that all the soldiers love. Sorta like the hippies wearing military wear in the early 70s. Or the yellow ribbon on the Hummer… (more…)

Like the War On Christmas, the War on Halloween is another Red State canard. Repeat: IT DON’T EXIST. Are you listening, Uncle Fester? Sure, it’s not that big of a deal, but if you give these people an inch they’ll take Iraq. Seriously, if you don’t call ‘em on it the next thing you know Santorum is equating it with man-on-my-pet-goat marriage. Check this bulk email invite to Michael Smerconish‘s…wait for it…Un-PC Halloween Party:

A few years ago, a letter came home from one of my kids’ schools saying that for Halloween, please dress the children up like someone from another country.

Huh? A PC Halloween? It’s the October version of a Holiday Tree!

Liberals ruining Halloween with their oversensitive, blame-white-America-first holiday deafeatism? GoDAMN them! EXCEPT…it’s not even true. (more…)

Circulation Plunges at Major Newspapers

By KATHARINE Q. SEELYE of The New York Times

Circulation at the nation’s largest newspapers plunged over the last six months, according to figures released today. The decline, one of the steepest on record, adds to the woes of a mature industry beset by layoffs and the possible sale of some of its flagships. Overall, average daily circulation for 770 newspapers was 2.8 percent lower in the six-month period ending Sept. 30 than in the comparable period last year, the Audit Bureau of Circulations reported. Circulation for 619 Sunday papers fell by 3.4 percent.But some papers fared much worse. The Los Angeles Times lost 8 percent of its daily circulation, and 6 percent on Sunday. The Boston Globe, owned by The New York Times Company, lost 6.7 percent of its daily circulation and almost 10 percent on Sunday.The New York Times, one of the few major papers whose circulation held steady over the last few reporting periods, did not emerge unscathed this time: its daily and Sunday circulation each fell 3.5 percent. The Washington Post suffered similar declines.The Wall Street Journal’s new Weekend Edition, just over a year old, lost 6.7 of its circulation from a year ago.
[...]
The Philadelphia Inquirer, which changed hands earlier this year and where the new owner is in the middle of difficult contract negotiations with the paper’s unions, lost 7.6 percent of its daily circulation and 4.5 percent on Sunday.

Newspaper circulation has been in a long, slow decline for decades. But the pace of loss seems accelerated now, as the industry tries to adjust to the steady migration of readers and advertisers to the Internet.

A few things bug me about this [Philly Mag] article:
1. Of course Joey‘s gonna be nice to a reporter. When there’s something in it for him, Sweeney‘s charm can be downright dazzling. Of course, the flipside to this, is we don’t know what the piece looked like after x amount of edits, and Philly Mag doesn’t want to alienate a possible new demographic (which I don’t think exists in this town in any real large numbers: the indie-yuppie…I still think it’s The Khakis buying all those gazillion dollar condos). Besides, maybe Sweeney’s not important or familiar enough to most Philly mag readers to throw under a bus.

2. That tired old folk tale about the Humble Fishtown Boy Making Good. Truth is, he’s had a cakewalk in this town and sponsors from a very young age, Barnabys on forward. There’s no reason for him to have a chip on his shoulder anymore, besides a totally undeserved sense of entitlement. He’s like a Penn kid with a better record collection… (more…)

Well done, Lads! Glad to see all that rehearsin’ has made NO difference whatsover. Ah, the early 90s. A simpler time. You may know these bandaged men from their classic garage-stomper “You’ve Got To Fight To Live On The Planet Of The Apes,” which is really true if you stop to think about it.

Dear Mother Phawker,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, and we are deeply in love and truly committed to each other. We didn’t “do it” right away. We waited, like a month and a half. For me, that’s taking it slow. Anyway, like two or three months later, things started to get a little weird in the bedroom. Not like whips and chains weird. It started innocently enough when my boyfriend began making kung-fu sound effects while we were in the act, climaxing (so to speak) with a Bruce Lee “Hiiiii-YAAAAAAAAAA!” Things gradually got stranger until one day we were doing it doggy-style (woof!) and he tried to light my back on fire with lighter fluid. Naturally I freaked out, but he tried to convince me it was OK (“It burns up right away, hun.”). He said it reminded him of his summer camp days – I still don’t know what that means. I really love him, but don’t want to be set on fire or to have a dead mouse in my teeth while he finishes back there. Anyway, how should I handle telling him this?
Freak(ed )in Fishtown

Dear Grasshopper,
While there are worse things your partner could scream out at the moment of impact than “Enter the Dragon” quotes, the lighter fluid is definitely a trick, not a treat. And no pun intended, but I’m not touchin’ the dead mouse thing with a 10-foot pole…. (more…)

EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS IS NOWHERE: Laurel Hill Cemetery, Summer, 2005
[Infrared Photography by Chuck V.]

Now that we have your attention, what Media Matters actually said was:

NY Times‘ Brooks lauded Santorum’s anti-poverty work, ignored his charity-related controversies:

Summary: In a recent column, David Brooks wrote that if Sen. Rick Santorum loses his Pennsylvania Senate seat, it’s “probably good news in Pennsylvania’s bobo suburbs” but “certainly bad for poor people around the world.” Brooks, however, did not mention the controversy surrounding Santorum’s own charity, or his attacks on prominent international humanitarian groups.

Media Matters: Making Media Matter Since A Coupla Years Ago
Attytood: Bono Is Wrong-O, Seriously Santorum Sucks You-Know-What In H-E-Double-Toothpick

LOOK FOR IT LATER TODAY, BECAUSE IT’S WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW THAT CAN HURT YOU…REAL BAD,YO!

VIA WONKETTE:

Spotted on 10/19, by an eagle-eyed Wonkette reader: The Mid-Atlantic Shredding Services truck making its way up to the Cheney compound at the Naval Observatory.Fun fact: Mid-Atlantic Shredding Services has been contracted by the Secret Service for our Executive Branch’s record-not-keeping needs.

The present contractor providing Pickup & Destruction of Sensitive Waste Material services is Mid Atlantic Shredding Services and the current rate is $0.095 cents per lbs.

You better get crackin’, Dick — that evidence won’t destroy itself!

Wonkette: Stop Him! He’s Getting Away! Very….Slowly

Phawker Wonders: All kidding aside, why isn’t the media descending on this man like The Birds, pecking some answers out of him. Hell, if we ran the Poli Sci desk at the Inky, we’d put the nearest Olsen on the next Acela to D.C. to knock on the Veep’s door and ask: Sir, with all due respect, we were just up in Philadelphia looking at Phawker and wondering why are you shredding documents right before the voters give the Dems sweeping subpoena powers? You are a public servant and there should be a public record of your actions, wouldn’t you agree? Of course he’s not going to answer, but MAKE HIM NOT ANSWER OUT LOUD, ON THE RECORD, AND FOR GOD SAKES LET EVERYONE KNOW HE IS HIDING SOMETHING. It’s your fuckin’ job! I can’t believe WE have to tell you this.

All you Volvo-clad latte-sippers in yer North Face fleeces who hung in there through the homestretch of the 885 Artists Countdown may have heard an advert for an open on-air position at the station, which made us wonder – is someone leaving? Negatory, says ‘XPN program director Bruce Warren, which comes as no small relief to us because really, we can hardly get out of bed these days without Michaela Majoun hoggin’ all the covers. Sike!

No, this is one of those rarest of creatures in these belt-tightening days: A brand spankin’ new position! So take note, all you would-be David Dyes out there. Jaysus, when they said the station made its last fundraising goal, they must not have been kidding. Warren isn’t giving specifics – yet — about what slot the new jock would fill, but keep your eyes on the Phawker for more details.

Another radio-centric morsel today concerns ‘XPN and one Lucinda Williams, alt-country goddess…. (more…)